How To Annoy Your Friendly Public Librarian

Originally written by Roland Saint-Laurent. Visit his blog at http://rolandsaintlaurent.blogspot.com/2008/06/how-to-annoy-your-friendly-public.html

1. If the computer you're working on has icons, delete them all as soon as you finish your session.

- I don't know why patrons do this, but I will occasionally see a computer station with either one, a couple, or all of the icons missing. Since there are a ton of computers in the Library, it's usually not a terrible inconvenience to the public, but it sure (causes me to become angry) when I see it.

"If you can't use it right then no one uses it!"

The reason I get so mad about it is that when all the icons are missing, it's because someone did it specifically to be a jerk.

2. Randomly shuffle books around in the non-fiction section.

-As a page, the most infuriatingly annoying thing I dealt with was shelf-reading the foreign section. The books were always out of order, but in a very special way. The books would be just a few over to right, and everything following it would be following this disorder. The reason? Well, pages are almost the lowest rung on the library ladder (the lowest is the volunteer), and if you work for LA County where the pay is poor and they make it known how little they need you, you don't normally do your job very well. So you sometimes blank out and follow whatever pattern you see, even if it's completely wrong. If a book was in the wrong spot, the page would assume that it was in the RIGHT spot, and then put whatever books they were shelving right after it to follow it's order.

"PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU GOT IT!!!"

Thus, when it came time to set everything in order, if I had to do it, I had to shift entire shelves around just to get everything back to normal. After an hour of working on one section, I would come back and see patrons mindlessly putting books back in random spots, or, my favorite, children shoving every book as far back as they can until they dump out and mingle with everything on the other side. And speaking of children...

3. Don't watch your children.

-It is astonishing how little parenting is involved when parents decide to take their kids out to the library. I can sometimes hear screaming kids all the way from the other end of the library, and when I come over to see what's going on, I see children running around throwing things at each other, and the parents just sitting there talking to each other, doing nothing.

"I shall destroy your Library!"

4. Remind them that you pay their salary.

-For some patrons, the simple fact that they pay taxes should allow them to keep out books for as long as they want and return them in whatever condition they want, get limitless free photocopies and internet printouts, get unlimited internet time, stay at the library for as long as they like even if the library is closed, talk as loud as they want while having places nice and quiet for them, use the phones for free for as long as they want, get free unlimited snacks, borrow (or even just receive) money, get medical advice, use the library as a place to sign people up for either a political group or religion, and even take their clothes off if they think the room is getting too stuffy for them.

Your tax dollars at work.

5. Hide the newspaper.

-If a newspaper is missing, I can promise you that an elderly man will raise hell over it. In fact, I have heard that there was almost a fist-fight at my library awhile back because one old man was hogging the paper and another man wanted to read it.

"I'll drive your tanker, as soon as I get my d*@# newspaper!"

I know that not getting to read the newspaper might be annoying, but come on. Is it really a reason to punch someone? Then again, people have been killed for less.

Originally written by Roland Saint-Laurent. Visit his blog at http://rolandsaintlaurent.blogspot.com/2008/06/how-to-annoy-your-friendly-public.html